


Shattered Glasses and Hearts

by Malec_Lover23



Series: Malec Writing Prompts [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Mortal Magnus Bane, Mundane Magnus Bane, No Fluff, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Ending, Sad Magnus Bane, Sad Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malec_Lover23/pseuds/Malec_Lover23
Summary: This is set in post season 3A after Magnus loses his magic. This is angsty and they just fight so no happy ending at all. Actually a very ominous ending to be honest.Requested by The_last_bottle_of_water“What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”“I don’t need help! I need an end to this pain.”“I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb again.”“I can’t lose you.” “You already did.”Thank you for such a sweet comment and thank you so much for reading and requesting a prompt :) I hope you enjoy this angsty little thing!
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Malec Writing Prompts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038862
Comments: 11
Kudos: 41
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Shattered Glasses and Hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_last_bottle_of_water](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_last_bottle_of_water/gifts).



> Go to my last work and there’s a link to the prompts if you’d like to send one in don’t be shy :)

When Alec walks through the door to Magnus’ loft, he never knows what to expect. 

Sometimes Magnus is happy, always showing off a smile and offering to take off Alec’s coat for him. Sometimes Magnus is distant, giving him a small smile and then bounding off to his apothecary where he stays for the remainder of the night. Sometimes Magnus is sad, nursing a bottle of alcohol or just watching some awful movie. 

Even with the knowledge Magnus is going through something traumatic, Alec still is unprepared for the sight that greets him as he steps into the living room. 

“Hey, Magnus...what’s...uhm...what’s going on here?” Alec shrugs his coat off and tries to keep his voice level and calm, even though there is glass everywhere and a few empty bottles just lying around. 

And then there’s a frowning Magnus, standing in the middle of it all, eyes glassy and unfocused as he notices Alec’s presence. 

“Got my hands on some warlock booze. Much, much more potent than regular booze.” Magnus lifts his finger and shakes it in Alec’s direction. “Apparently I don’t have a warlock’s tolerance anymore.” Magnus laughs, but the sound is forced and harsh. 

It’s clear Magnus is more than tipsy, more than drunk, he’s wasted. Alec is surprised he hadn’t passed out yet, considering the amount he’s consumed and how agitated Magnus is. His eyes are full of unnamed fury, and it seems to be directed at Alec. 

Alec has never wanted to be the root of such anger. 

“Magnus...what-what happened?” Alec asks again, voice growing increasingly soft as he takes in the scene in front of him. He’s scared for Magnus, he’s scared of what this night is going to lead to. He’s never seen Magnus so livid and aggrieved. 

Magnus sighs, “I told you already. Regular booze wasn’t doing it for me anymore, so I just started drinking warlock booze. Not like I have anything better to do.” Magnus shrugs and tilts his head, squinting as he attempts to keep his gaze on Alec. 

“No...I mean the floor. It’s covered in glass and-” Alec trails off as he notices the floor is not only covered in glass, but also small droplets of blood. Then he sees the cuts on Magnus’ feet.

“Mag-Magnus I...” Alec takes a step forward, planning to maneuver through the glass and pick Magnus up, getting him away from the glass so he doesn’t get injured further, but Magnus raises a hand and waves him away. “Magnus...” Alec feels his hands begin to tremble as he stutters for an acceptable response. 

“What?” Magnus snarls. “The prestigious Head of the New York Institute is speechless once again. Nothing left to say to me, pretty boy?” Normally the term of endearment has a fond and teasing tone to it, complete with a smile from Magnus and a blush from Alec in response; however, today the words are spoken so jarringly Alec doesn’t even recognize them. Alec opens his mouth once more, hoping the right words just flow out to soothe him, but Magnus stops him. 

“No, you know what? You don’t have to talk. Just listen.” Magnus commands. His words are slurred, but Alec obeys anyway. He swallows down the sick feeling in his stomach twisting up his insides. 

“I’m going to ask a question. Feel free to answer honestly. What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel like I’ve been nothing to you.”

Alec shrinks in surprise, already fumbling for a genuine response that conveys just how much Alec loves the man in front of him. 

He knows his window of opportunity has already closed in regards to getting Magnus to believe anything he says tonight, but he tries anyway, “Magnus, you’re everything to me. Surely you know that. I would do anything and everything to make you happy again.”

Magnus waves a dismissive hand angrily, the open liquor bottle splashing around and onto the floor, mixing with the glass that’s already shattered. “Don’t give me that bullshit. You have eyes, Alec, and anyone who does would see that you’re just better off without me.”

Vulnerability is a concept Alec can handle well. He feels appreciated when one of his loved ones trusts him enough to open up to him. He’s good at words of reassurance and comfort. He’s good at hugs and cuddles and forehead kisses. Magnus has always told him while he has the body of a soldier, he also has a body of a great hugger. 

Alec knows a hug won’t be able to fix this. 

“Magnus, that’s not true. Wh-why do you feel that way?” 

“You’re Alec Lightwood, head of the best Institute in American. Leading hundreds of Shadowhunters everyday, pulling the Downworld and Nephilim together. And I’m just sitting on the sidelines, using your name as my reputation now.” Magnus shakes his head with a scoff, “I’m nothing. Just your boyfriend.” A piece of Alec’s heart breaks as he attempts to sort through Magnus’ disoriented yet blatantly clear thoughts. 

Magnus makes his words seem sophisticated and confusing all at once. Alec thinks it has to do with the liquor bottle combined with the realization that Magnus has been feeling this way even when sober and faking happy, even in Alec’s company. The words have clearly been on the tip of his tongue for weeks, so now that Magnus is uninhibited, it’s effortless to speak them. 

It’s too easy for Magnus while sober to put on a smile and just compartmentalize his emotions until they’re convenient for him, so this is his breaking point. 

“Just because you don’t have your powers anymore doesn’t mean you’re still not Magnus Bane. Your magic didn’t make you generous, or wise, or loving. That’s just you.” 

“That’s bullshit too.” Magnus mutters, stumbling on his feet and gripping the edge of the couch. He lifts his hand and points at Alec, saying, “You should just go while you still can. Leave me to rot in my own mortality. It’s so easy to leave. The door is literally right there. Go ahead. I understand.” Alec shakes his head immediately, taking another step forward.

“Never, Magnus. I’m never going to leave you. Here, let me help you. Just take my hand.” Alec reaches out for Magnus’ hand, hoping to get him away from the glass and heal his bleeding feet. 

“I don’t need help!” Magnus yells, “I need an end to this pain!” He motions to the mess on the floor. 

Alec offers his hand again, saying, “You know I don’t have the power to end this for you. If I could, I would. But, I can hold you until we can sort this out. I can put you in bed and just let you sleep. I can take care of you until you’re ready to feel again.”

Magnus scoffs, “I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb again.” 

Suddenly, Alec is furious at Magnus. Furious that he’s so selfish he’s refusing the help he so desperately needs. Furious that he intentionally smashed the bottle to hurt his feet. Furious that Magnus would rather ask for Alec to leave him than to hold him. And if there’s one thing a Shadowhunter is bad at, it’s holding in anger when it appears as fast and as expansive as a wildfire. 

“Then smashing a bottle onto the floor while you’re just in pants and a shirt isn’t really a good way to feel numb. That’s just an accident waiting to happen, Magnus.” Alec snaps. Magnus looks up in surprise, finally getting the response he so wanted from Alec in the beginning. 

Alec grits his teeth and picks Magnus up, dragging him into the bathroom and giving him a firm shove onto the edge of the tub. 

Alec begins to rolls up Magnus’ silk pants, trying to see where the cuts end, but Magnus shoves him away. Alec stumbles a bit but remains steady, looking down at Magnus in indignation. 

The bathroom is silent as they stare each other down. As the silence persists, Alec’s anger fades away and is replaced with sadness, discouragement, hopelessness. 

Finally, Alec shakes his head and whispers, “Magnus, please. I can’t lose you.” Alec’s voice cracks and his eyes fill up with hot tears that feel like boiling water when they begin sliding down his face. 

Magnus falters as he sees the face of his love. The face of the man who just wants to help. The face of the man who has done everything in his very power to bring back the one thing that makes his boyfriend happy and healthy. The face of the man who still chooses to take care of Magnus even though he came home to a man who screamed at him. The face of a man who deserves someone better than Magnus could ever be. 

Yet, Magnus still looks into the wet hazel eyes he adores so much, and manages to reply with a remarkably brusque and impassive, “You already did.”


End file.
